BOGOF

on Sep 10 in Random tagged by Peter Blackman

So I’m in the chemists. Scratch that, let’s keep it real. I’m in Boots.

Boots the chemist.

I am buying toothpaste, plasters, nit combs, does it matter? No. I am also buying an item that still has some social embarassment attached to it. What could that be? You know - them. Those things. For that.

Anyway, I take my basket up to the till and I queue. I have my daughters with me, and they are bored and not at all interested in what is in the basket because I wouldn’t buy them some new foaming at the mouth bath foam. Or similar. So they won’t be asking any potentially embarassing questions about the item in question.

Long queue. Saturday. Lots of ladies. Beauty products you see.

So I get to the front of the queue and beep, beep, beep, the items go across the scanner. Then the item goes across. There’s a pause.

“These are on buy one get one free at the moment”

“What?”

“Two for £10. You can pop and get another pack.” , yes, I can run there, pick up another pack and run back, and everyone will look at me and know that I am buying them, and that one packet is not enough. I need two.

“No, really, it’s fine. I’m, er, in a bit of a hurry.”

“No we’re not Daddy”

“Yes we are”

“It seems a waste of money to not get the free pack” says the sales assistant. Unhelpfully she is still holding the item and brandishes it aloft like the Lady in the Lake presenting Excalibur to Arthur. For all I know she is about to shout out for assistant assistance. So I stop her.

“Please. We’re in a hurry.” I think something in my tone stops her yodelling across the store for more of them for the gentleman. I think it’s the desperation, flavoured with a hint of menace.

“Ok” she replies, shaking her head at my proligacy. Beep. I pay. We leave. At home I briefly look at the bill and realise how much of a saving I would have made with their buy one get one free. But there’s a time and a place for a BOGOF, and stood in a queue with a bored 4 and 8 year old, in a busy chemists on a Saturday afternoon, is not one of them. Not when you’re buying those. You know - them. For that.